She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
