There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
