I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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