oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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