You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
