You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
