I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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