Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize