I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
