he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
