and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
