Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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