I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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