I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
