DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
