and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
