the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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