Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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