Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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