i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
