I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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