names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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