OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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