Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
