two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize