Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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