If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
