Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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