my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
