i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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