...so i touched it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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