He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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