OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
