I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
