Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
