The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
