Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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