he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
