I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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