yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
