So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
