turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
