I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
