im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
