There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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