My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
