I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
