Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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