It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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