last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
