Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
