Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
