It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
