That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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