I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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