Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
