guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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