Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
