Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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