i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
