I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
