help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
