I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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