we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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