I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
