That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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