Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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