I haven't been this sober since birth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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