your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
