Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.