Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My dick has a subreddit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
