she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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