You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
