I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
