i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
